Sudan, down
According to Reuters, Sudan's president shut down an investigation on Wednesday that led to the arrest of many young women for "disturbing the peace" by wearing tight trousers. The women were arrested over the past week by police who said they suspected them of belonging to youth gangs known for drinking, fighting and public nudity.

Swimming, up
A bald, naked man who said he was a British tourist went swimming in the moat of Japan's Imperial Palace on Tuesday, climbing the palace wall, throwing rocks and splashing water at police before being taken into custody. Thus proving most swimmers are idiots.

Swimming, down
According to the Chronicle, a Zimbabwean soccer player drowned in a crocodile infested river during a ritual to cleanse his team of bad spirits before a match. Once again confirming most swimmers are, in fact, idiots.

Sharks, up
Apparently, sharks can have virgin births. This time, a blacktip shark had spent nearly her entire eight years at the Virginia Aquarium without any male companionship from her kind.  In what some religions might call a miracle, and what science calls "parthenogenesis," she gave birth to a single pup.

Banking, up
British banking titans aren't letting the financial crisis limit their demand for nude paintings of their wives adorned by newsprint collages, an artist says. The news clippings are about their own financial exploits, and when stuck to the images of their naked spouses, make for an irresistible lure for the rich and vainglorious.

Sex, down
Clara Meadmore, who claims to be the oldest virgin in Britain, turned 105 Friday. Meadmore said that in her youth, women only had sex with their husbands, and she rejected all the men who asked her to marry them.

Racism, up/down
A billboard in West Plains shows a caricature of Barack Obama wearing a turban with the caption: "Barack 'Hussein' Obama equals more abortions, same sex marriages, taxes, gun regulations." While profoundly disturbing, I feel we'll all laugh about it later.